My Husband Cheated on Me

What do you do when you find your Husband, the father of your children, is cheating on you or has cheated on you?

There is no difference between a woman who has been hurt by a cheating husband and a mother who has been hurt by a cheating father, they're both suffering betrayal.

But being a mother at such a difficult time in your relationship is tough, when all you can focus on is being a woman whose pride is shattered. It's easy to think of leaving when there are no children involved, but ending your marriage and depriving your children of a full family life is a difficult decision to take.

In general cheating is not a death sentence for a relationship. There are many factors that play into whether or not divorce is inevitable.

Is it my fault?

Maybe you focused too much on the children, or weren't providing regular home cooked meals, or hadn't been as sexually assertive as he wanted you to be. While it might be true that you weren't doing your best or weren't doing enough of what he might've liked, all that doesn't make his cheating your fault. Just like being broke is no justification for stealing money. Not cooking or cleaning enough or even being sexually unsatisfying is no justification for cheating.

Of course it takes two to Tango, two people to make a marriage work. You need to admit your mistakes in the relationship, and know where you could've done better. But anyway you slice the cake, the lack of these things didn't cause him to cheat. You are not to blame for your partner's betrayal. The choice of infidelity is his alone. The argument that had you been more perfect for him he wouldn't have cheated is faulty, because simply there are no perfect marriages, just like there are no perfect people. There are no good reasons for Infidelity, just bad excuses. So stop looking for one, especially in yourself.

What to be done?

These insights may help you find some clarity as you make your own decision on what to do.

If the decision is to try to save the relationship:

If you feel that the marriage has been damaged beyond repair or simply have no desire to try to stay with a man who betrayed your trust:

Stay or go?

After a partner cheats, the couple must decide whether to fight for the marriage or end it. There are pluses and minuses with either decision and it's especially complicated in families with children.

Infidelity isn't a small thing, but Divorce isn't either. Walking away after being cheated on can be very painful but it doesn't require a road map as much as working it out just might.

When kids are involved, the benefit of staying together is "invaluable" to a couple's children, given that both parties are willing to work at salvaging the marriage.

It's natural for the person who was betrayed to wonder what else isn't true in a relationship, and decide that they can no longer trust their partner and therefore decide to walk out on the marriage.

Is it over?

It is safe to assume that the marriage is over if:

Regardless of the decision, the one cheated on has to deal with the aftermath, and to be honest there is no one best way to do this. Some may need to confront to achieve closure. Some may need to forget and put the experience behind them and some may need to forgive as well as forget.

The general point here is to look out for your own best interest, your only obligation at that point is to yourself and your children. And by all means, after some time has passed, and some of the pain has healed, take a moment to reflect and learn from the experience.

We hope that you have found this article to be useful.
Know a friend who might want to read this article?   
  
Do you have an idea for an article or want to write an article to be published on Esma3ly? Contact us.
Go back to the articles main page.